Awkward Turtle Moment #1...The Elevator

Oh elevators...I never realized how awkward they are until yesterday. So there I was...riding in the elevator (I normally take the stairs, but I refuse to walk up four flights of stairs in Upham Hall)...and that's when I realized how much of an awkward turtle moment riding in an elevator actually is. If you think about it...the awkwardness begins before you even enter the elevator...sometimes it can takes as long as five minutes for the elevator to reach the ground floor...and the entire time you're waiting, more people join you...and then you're standing there thinking...wow...I'm going to have to ride in an elevator with these people. You spend the rest of your wait analyzing everyone standing there...and if your mind could talk these are just a few things it might say...

"Hmm...that lady has lunch with her...I wonder where she got it from...speaking of food...I'm kinda hungry...well...am I really hungry? or am I just hungry because that lady's food looks delicious."

"That girl has pink toenails...I would never paint my toenails that color...green should've been the obvious choice." (okay so maybe your mind wouldn't say this, but I refuse to put anything pink on my body...just another way to conform if I did...but that's a topic for another day).

"Now this is an interesting guy...I wonder if he showered today...or this week even...it doesn't look like it. I wish I could find a nice way to tell him he doesn't smell all that great...then again...I wish I could find a way to tell my grandpa the same...maybe it would be easier if I used this guy for a practice run...nope...that would just be way to creepy..."

Okay...so you haven't even entered the elevator yet...you're still standing there and now you hear the ding and the doors open. You walk in...and press the button for your floor...but where do you stand? Do you stand in the back so no one will look at you? Do you stand by the buttons? Maybe you stand by the buttons, but if you do then you actually have to converse with the others getting in who say " three please, two please, etc, etc." If you don't stand in the back or by the buttons maybe you choose the side...usually a safe decision. Most of the time everyone gets in and stands facing the middle...why can't people just face the front? It would make things much less awkward if people would press their own button and face the front...but no...someone always has to stand next to the buttons...you don't want to reach in front of them so you are forced to start a conversation. And then there's always the person that gets in last...and in the event that everyone is facing forward, this final person decides to face the back of the elevator...staring at everyone...is this really necessary? I don't think so. As if all this isn't enough...for some reason, half the elevators in this world never work properly...so everyone gets in and presses all their buttons and then the door doesn't close and you're waiting...you wait some more hoping the doors will close and then you start thinking..."okay...who's going to press the close door button? I'm not really closest, but what if no one else plans to push the button? We'll be standing here for days...but what if i decide to close it and the girl next to me decides to close it at the exact same time? There's a chance of that happening also which would make it even more awkward." Needlessly to say... I was the one to press the button yesterday saving us all from even more misery. Okay...so now we're finally in transit...and of course we have to stop at every floor, which makes us experience the "close door button" moment several more times...not to mention all the awkwardness of trying not to make eye contact with anyone. Finally, we reached the top, and it was all over...but wow...I had never analyzed the elevator experience until yesterday...it's quite complex. I hope I haven't freaked anyone out to the point where they will never ride an elevator again...but hey, just something to think about.